Name: The secret to desire in a long-term relationship
Uploaded: 2013-02-14T16:07:00Z
Duration: 18 min 53 s
Description: In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.

In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.

The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

Sustaining erotic desire in long-term relationships means balancing the need for security with the craving for novelty and adventure. For the first time in history, couples pursue sex for pleasure and connection, not just obligation or procreation. Across cultures, people feel most drawn to their partners when they see them as vibrant, confident individuals, often from a distance. The loss of erotic spark is less a matter of fading love and more a crisis of imagination and individuality within relationships.