Heather Heckroot

I am a married mother of 5 kiddos. I am the daughter of drug addict. I am the event director of a small business. I am an avid reader. But who am I really? I am still figuring that out. It has been a hard but rewarding adventure. One thing I do know is I am kinda awesome!

My family. First Robotics. Throwing super amazing events. Being a cheerleader to those around me. A good iced mocha. Baking the best gooey butters!

I feel an idea worth spreading is you are not your parents. You are an individual and no one gets to tell you who you are except you!

Event planning, Loving those around me, Pivoting when life gets weird, Surviving childhood with a drug addict for a mother

I grew up with a mother that was addicted to a myriad of drugs. Some of my earliest memories include her probation officer, taking care of my little brother while she was engaged in one of her numerous affairs, having the flu at 6 with no one around to take care of me. I spent my entire life taking care of my mother and a lot of the time my brother, while convinced that if I was a better daughter she would love me enough to give up her drugs and be my mom. But that never happened. My dad worked hard to pay our bills but he didn't really have any interest in me. He loved to coach my brother's little league team and take him to Royals games while I was left to watch my mother. When I turned 18 I left high school, got my GED, and got married to escape my life. I thought that if I could get out of there I would be okay. Of, course that wasn't true! I didn't have the tools to be a successful adult. No one had been there to teach my even the basic things in life, like saving money, or how credit works, or what to do if you get a flat tire. Then to make things even harder my husband and I became parents a year later. I knew I wanted to be a better parent to my kiddo than I had experienced but I wasn't sure how to do that since I really hadn't had a role model. This put a huge strain on our marriage. We were broke. We were working dead end jobs. We lived in unsafe apartments. We didn't have anything. We ended up having 3 boys in 3 years and had to go back home to my parents' house because we lost everything. If living with them as a kid was bad living there with my family was HELL. My parents took every opportunity to call us failures. Again I had to take on the role of caring for my mom and her drug habit. My job was to make sure she didn't overdose. Finally, we caught a break and my husband's job relocated us across the state. I thought this was just what we needed. I was putting several hundreds of miles between myself and my parents. I thought I would finally be free. But I wasn't. I received calls from my mom every day telling me I was horrible for moving away. I received calls from brother telling me I needed to move back because they couldn't handle her drug problem and needed me to take care of her. After a year and half of guilt trips, berating, and against my gut we moved backed. Why? Because it was so ingrained in my that she was my responsibility. Not long after we moved back she overdosed. I received a call that no one could get ahold of her and that I needed to go check on her. I packed up my 2 year old daughter and went to check on her. When we got to the house we found her naked and facedown on her bed unconscious and barely breathing. I called my dad who called 911. I then called my husband to come get our daughter. When we got the hospital they told us to come in and say our goodbyes because she wasn't going to survive but she did. However, she had suffered a massive stroke leaving her paralyzed from the chest down, with the mentality of a toddler, and unable to care for herself. Again my dad and brother looked at me to care for her. So for the next five years I took care of my mom during the day, worked full-time in the evening, and missed out on my kids' lives. To say I was exhausted is an understatement. I was depressed. I was angry. I felt like everything I did was wrong. That same year we lost half of our house in a house fire and both of my grandparents died. I spiraled. I fell so deep into a black hole I didn't think I would ever get out so I tried to end my life. Thankfully, I didn't succeed. In the days, weeks, and months that followed I slowly began to understand she wasn't my responsibility. Thanks to therapy and medications I began to rebuild myself and my family. I started saying no to my dad and brother. I started focusing on my kids, my marriage, and myself. I got healthy. I learned I love to run. I love CrossFit. I love to bake. My house started to grow stronger but my relationship with my parents and brother became strained. The more I focused on me and my life the angrier they became. I had to learn that that was okay. I had to learn that their lives, their choices, their thoughts and opinions of me didn't get to dictate who I was or what I did. Once I let go of all of that weight my life changed. Today we have 5 amazing kids. My husband and I mentor a high school robotics team. We both have careers we love, mine in events and his in chemistry. Today we have a beautiful home with an amazing family of our own. We have weekly game nights with our kids who are in 21, 20, 19, 15, and 4 and shouldn't want to hang out with us but do! We will have family bake-offs and movie nights. My husband and I have date nights where we work on old cars together. Today, I am healthy, happy, and well aware that it is okay to be me. It is okay to say no. Her addiction and overdose weren't my fault. She was never my responsibility. I learned that I am worth loving because I am an amazing person!

People don't know that I am good at